I Couldn't Kill Albus Dumbeldore DracoMalfoyFic
by Missy Tina
Summary: Draco's thoughts and views on his world and the little bit of the muggle world he's exposed to. About why he couldn't kill Dumbledore and what he's doing afterwards.
1. I couldn't kill Dumbledore

I couldn't kill Albus Dumbledore. That tiny little fact has been haunting me all summer. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Why, you may ask? At first I didn't even know why. But I've had plenty of time all god damn summer to think about it. With absolutely nothing to do but just fucking sit here. So I think I know why now.

But the reason why is just so fucking stupid. I was scared, that's for sure. As pathetic as it sounds I was absolutely terrified. I've never killed anyone before. I always thought that I could. I thought it would be easy. Obviously I was wrong. But there's another, more pathetic reason why. That night, as I stood in front of him ready to kill him I realized something. I realized…this is hard to admit even now…I realized that I respected the old man in front of me. That's it. That's the fucking stupid; fucking pathetic reason I couldn't carry out the Dark Lord's orders. I realized at that moment that Albus Dumbledore was an amazing man and a remarkable wizard.

All my life all I've ever heard was bad things about Dumbledore. That Albus Dumbledore was a stupid, old, mudblood loving fool. My father says it. My mother, who agrees with my father on absolutely everything, says it. My grandma says it. When my grandpa was alive he said it. My Aunt can't stand Dumbledore, you should have heard the way she used to talk about him. So the idea that Albus Dumbledore was just a stupid old man has been embedded in my head for quite some time now.

But, once I got away from my stupid over-bearing parents, I started to form my own opinions. And come on, look at all that Dumbledore has done. He's just…cool. Oh, correction. He **was** cool. Now he's just dead. But when he was alive he did some pretty awesome stuff. He kicked that one guy, Grindelwald or whatever, he kicked his ass. He did all that shit with Alchemy with that one old guy, Nicholas Flamel. He discovered the twelve uses of dragon's blood. And event the Dark Lord was scared of him.

As I stood there that night ready to kill him, I realized that I **couldn't **kill him. I just couldn't. How could I take someone as cool as Albus Dumbledore out of the world? I just couldn't.

So fucking Snape did it. He got all the credit and he's still the Dark Lord's favorite. Bla bla bla. Who cares? Not me. Fucking Snape. He thinks he's sooo cool, playing his double agent role and soaking up the Dark Lord's attention. Newsflash buddy: I. Don't. Care. I fucking don't! So just stop telling me what to do. Snape is getting so god damn annoying lately. I used to kinda respect the guy, now I just want him to leave me the hell alone. Really. I've had to deal with his ass all summer. I think he's trying to be a substitute father or something gay like that. He should just stick to potions, because fathering just isn't his thing.

It used to really bother me that my father was in jail. But now, it's just like, whatever. At least I don't have him hovering over me all the time. Telling me what to do, what to think, what to feel. But he's always been like that. So have all the other Death Eater fathers. Theodore Nott is a clone of his father. So are Crabbe and Goyle. And Blaise Zambani is just like his mommy; she's one of the few active female Death Eaters. I used to be just like them all. Before I started to think. Now, I'm like my father in many ways, but I'm still a little different. I have my own thoughts and opinions. Like this whole respecting Dumbledore thing.

God, it's a good thing that my father is in jail. He'd beat my ass for not killing Dumbledore when I had the chance to.


	2. Boring Summer Days

Sometimes it's easier to just not think and do what they tell you to do. Because now that I've starting thinking, my world isn't too clear. Like this whole respecting Dumbledore thing. When did that happen? And why? Why would I respect a man who was against everything I'm for? And am I even for it anymore? I mean, I am. But I just don't care anymore. Being a Death Eater and the Dark Lord's favorite always used to be so important to me. Now I just don't fucking care anymore.

Am I going into a depression? No, I don't think so. I'm pretty happy. In fact I'm surprised that I'm so happy, considering that my father's in jail, my mom cries constantly and Severus Snape is constantly on my back. I'm not even in my comfortable England Manor anymore. Yeah, I'm not even in England anymore. I'm in America. Fucking America. But it's not so bad. For one thing, American girls are hot as hell. American girls don't seem to wear as much clothes as English girls do. My mom and Snape bitch about this, but I'm just fine with it. And I think Snape is secretly just fine with it too. That guy is secretly a huge pervert. I can just see it.

Yeah, fucking Snape is with us. He's our 'guard'. In my personal opinion he spends far too much time checking my mom out for him to be 'guarding' us. Stupid fucker. If he tries anything with her I'll break his huge fucking nose. What is wrong with me? I used to really like Snape. I guess it's cause he's always always with me now. Voldermort (yeah I say his name now, I don't know why I didn't before, it's just a stupid fucking name) ordered Snape to get out of the country. He said people would be looking for him because he killed Dumbledore. And he needed someone stationed in America anyways to look after his business there. Didn't know the Dark Lord was going global. Whatever. Snape convinced my mom to come so he could "Look after her." It's total bullshit. I swear my dad is gonna kick his ass when he gets out.

So I'm spending my summer in fucking America. I haven't talked to Zambani or Nott all summer. Snape said he didn't want owls following us. Stupid fucker. It's pretty boring and it gives me too much time to think. And because of this I'm not too sure about anything anymore.

Like the other day, I caught myself checking out this **hot **blonde chick. She was in her front yard in a lawn chair, sunbathing. She wore this tiny tiny blue bikini that left little to the imagination. She was talking to some red head girl. Let me tell you something, that blonde chick was HOT. And then I realized that she was a muggle and I yelled at myself. And then I realized that I didn't really care. What the hell is wrong with me? See what thinking leads to? My father is gonna beat my ass when he gets out. He could be out at any time. The Dark Lord could break him out whenever he wants to. But he's leaving him there to rot. He's still pissed about the whole prophecy thing. Whatever.

Wow. I just realized that I miss him. I miss my controlling, over bearing, mean, asshole of a father. See what boring summer days lead to?


End file.
